Steve blocked out all of the typical commotion in the busy hallway. Lockers slamming and students talking over one another didn’t disturb him from his thoughts. He only had one thing on his mind, the dreaded history test. Because Mr. Andrew’s tests were notoriously difficult, Steve had spent the entire evening studying.
Repeating the material over in his mind helped him to recall it during the test. In spike of the long hours studying, he still felt as if he was unprepared. Steve couldn’t wait for it to be over with, along with the intense stress that went along with the grueling exam.
While he did his best to dodge and weave his way through the bodies that filed through the hallway, his shoulder suddenly slammed into another boy’s body. The force of the impact sent him stumbling sideways.
The shock of the collision wore off is a split second. This was no accident! Steve recognized the scowling face of Jim Tucker, staring him down. Jim had deliberately thrown his shoulder into Steve’s. A typical school bully, Jim found pleasure in picking fights, and making his victim’s lives as miserable as possible.
Like a tightly compressed spring that was suddenly released, Steve reacted with rage. He rushed at Tucker and tried to shove him into the row of lockers. The bully was ready for it. Tucker grabbed Steve’s shirt and swung him around so that Steve’s back slammed into the lockers instead.
The painful impact took its toll. Steve paused, not sure what to do next. He knew that he shouldn’t be reacting with violence, so he resorted with a verbal assault.
“Leave me alone you big jerk!” he shouted, as he broke free of the bully’s grip.
“What are you going to do about it?” Tucker taunted.
“I didn’t do anything to you. Stop causing trouble, and just stay away from me!” Steve’s spat, struggling to control his rage. Part of him wanted to lash out, but really, he just wanted to be left in peace. Then, one of Jim Tucker’s friends called out, creating a distraction. That’s when Steve slipped away through the crowd that had been forming, hoping to see a brawl.
“Run home to mommy,” Tucker jeered.
At least Steve was away from the bully. He fought to control his emotions as he entered the classroom. When he sat down, he felt his muscles literally shaking from the rush of adrenaline.
Later that day, Steve laid on his bed, alone in his room replaying the incident over and over in his mind.
“I hate that Jim Tucker.” he thought to himself. “Why is he annoying on me. I should have beat him until he is on the ground begging me to stop.”
Steve wasn’t a fighter, but he wasn’t a pushover either. For some reason he couldn’t stand up for himself. Instead he would run from the situation, but later regret it, wishing he had evened the score. Squabbles like these left him seething with anger and bitterness.
But deep down, Steve knew that he should not be so hateful. He was a Christian, after all. He should be following Jesus’ example, even to the point of loving his enemy.
“There is no way on earth I could love that kid,” Steve told himself.
The more he thought about it, the more agitated he became, until he found himself pacing back and forth, like a caged animal.
“I have to get out of this house,” he muttered. With that, he rushed down the hallway, and through the kitchen.
“What are you going?” Steve’s father called after the blur that raced past.
“Out,” was all Steve said before slamming the door. He jumped on his bike and started to ride. Releasing his bottled up energy through the bike petals, with the wind rushing past his face, relieved a bit of the tension. He continued to ride miles beyond his neighborhood, before returning home as the sun dipped below the horizon.
The following school day passed without another encounter with Tucker. After school, Steve, again, sat in his room to plow through his homework. Before he knew it, this mind resurrected the memory of the bully, the pushing, and every last detail of the encounter. As he relived the incident, his heart rate reacted, thumping louder and quicker in step with the anger that the memory brought on.
Steve knew that he shouldn’t keep this up. Bowing his head, he began to pray, “Lord, please help me. I know I should not let this get to me, but I can’t help it. I don’t want to be so angry, but I don’t know what to do.”
After only a minute, he ran out of words. He opened his eyes and paused to examine himself. Sadly, he felt just as enraged as when he started.
“Perhaps, I will get some help from the Bible,” he said to himself. He grab the leather-bound Book off of the shelf, but had no idea what passage to read. Since the Old Testament was harder to understand, he flip the pages to the Gospels. By chance, he stopped in the Book of Luke, and started reading at Chapter 5, verses 12.
“While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy.When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”
Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him.
The passage was familiar, but it didn’t seem to have anything do to with the emotions he was dealing with. After reading the passage over again, he shrugged his shoulders, and closed his Bible.
Since the Bible verse brought no relief, he considered biking to Joey’s house, and talking it over with his good friend.
“Joey is a believer, but he is so easy-going. Unlike me, it takes a lot to upset Joey. I don’t think he will understand.”
Steve let out a loud sigh, and returned to his history homework.
Three days later Steve sat in the church sanctuary with his family, waiting for the worship service to begin. He sat quietly, staring straight ahead. Minutes later, the band started with a familiar song.
“Everyone stand and worship the Lord!” The lead singer cheerfully called to the congregation, as she raised her hands high into the air.
Steve automatically rose to his feet, but had no desire to sing. As everyone around him sang joyfully, he prayed silently, but earnestly, to God. “Lord, how can I sing and worship you? Why would you even want to hear my voice. My heart is overflowing with hatred and bitterness. I don’t even deserve to be in your presence.”
For some reason, he recalled the Bible passage about the leper. He remembered what he had been taught about lepers in Jesus’ time. “Lord, I am like that leper. An unclean person that, no one would want to touch.”
What happened next was the opposite of what Steve expected. As the music played, and the people worshipped, he no longer felt sad or disconnected from God. Instead, he sensed a closeness, as if Jesus had reaching out to him, like a father embracing his child, even a child with leprosy.
Awestruck, Steve tried to make sense of what had just happened. For the rest of the worship time, he could do nothing, but wonder at God’s grace and goodness.
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***
Are you weighed down with sin?
What does Jesus tell us to do when we are burdened?
Can you think of a Bible verse that deals with this?
What might happen if we hold onto our sin?
What happens when we let it go, giving it over to God?
There is a word for this. Do you know what it is?
(confession)